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Fittingly, I, too, was a “Kinder Surprise,” as jokesters liked to call unplanned children. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/636a77ccb614764c93c4e0aa/a1f59f40-4924-4390-ab1c-1c5df2d1f8fe/2.jpg Essays - Kinder Surprise By the time I met my father for the first time at the age of eight, I had already collected all the ghosts. He took my mom and me on a fishing trip to the artificial lakes around the castle of Trakošćan. I wore my best sports suit; I was tidy and expectant. Would one of his grand announcements delivered to my mom—a golden retriever! Inline skates!—come true this time? He acted as though we saw each other every day. After that, I didn’t see him for years. My father ghosted me. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/636a77ccb614764c93c4e0aa/dbc543de-3400-444b-9cf3-eaab3cc4115e/3.jpg Essays - Kinder Surprise I was the first in my class to get Alberto Trema, a trembly ghost curled up in an orange armchair, holding onto a book. He was a rare find, but I wasn’t excited. I preferred the happy-go-lucky figurines, like the one with the suitcase whose ghostly body clumsily wrapped into a knot. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/636a77ccb614764c93c4e0aa/25d37067-883f-466b-9a12-1ac20cfd4922/4.jpg Essays - Kinder Surprise The second time I saw my father, I sat in the living room, frozen, while our short version of a longcase clock ticked in the background. We didn’t have cozy armchairs to sink out of sight. I was twelve, my father was drunk, my grandmother was throwing him out, and I knew I wouldn’t tell anyone. Templates demand father's presence. In my radosnica, a notebook meant to capture joyful childhood moments, “father’s name” was written down, only to be later crossed out and replaced with “I don’t have a dad” in my shaky handwriting. “Was ist dein Vater von Beruf?” my German textbook relentlessly inquired about my father’s occupation. I knew what the official documents stated, but my lips were sealed, determined not to share anything unless I was forced to. Usually eager to provide the right answers, I kept my head down throughout the chapter on occupations, suddenly very busy with the state of my pencils. When asked to declare “first name (father’s name) last name,” I ignore the instruction in parentheses and write my mother’s name, relieved that we share a last name. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/636a77ccb614764c93c4e0aa/2d7df48d-6bd8-4c68-8c78-11d1c27b4c78/5.jpg Essays - Kinder Surprise https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/636a77ccb614764c93c4e0aa/c3667e88-ce92-45ae-a52f-7f671bfb4e23/6.jpg Essays - Kinder Surprise - At university, we opened up to each other with ease, like the plastic shell inside a Kinder Surprise. I learned about free legal aid for children deprived of alimony from a friend with villainous father. I was ready to sue my father, but he slipped away one last time, leaving me with the looming threat of inheriting his debts and making me sound heartless (“My father is dead, but I don’t care” is how I introduce him when someone asks). I was grasping at air just like frustrated Duško Suško, forever stuck with a drying rack. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/636a77ccb614764c93c4e0aa/03fb64e8-a356-4e0f-a1e5-8c32f36ee2f4/7.jpg Essays - Kinder Surprise My father keeps avoiding me, even in the hereafter. I forget about his existence for months at a time. I have confined him to the role of a nameless character in a short story. I am not trying to make sense of the “poor rich”—their Mercedes, yacht, alleged corruption, gambling, and debt—people from whom I couldn't expect a single Kinder Surprise. No me interesa nada is not suppressed shame but freedom. I grew up with my grandmother, grandfather, mother, aunt, and great-aunt—modest workers-peasants with the highest moral standards, whom I continue to look up to. As an only child, I basked in the attention of five adults. Incompleteness was never so abundant. When I’d wake up in the middle of the night, worried about everyone in the house, I’d pass through the living room on my way to the bathroom. On a shelf of an elaborate dark wood cupboard, there was a phosphorescent light: all my Kinder Surprise ghosts lined up—friendly rather than scary companions—the first and only set I ever completed. https://www.womenwritethebalkans.com/essays/my-grandfather-is-a-cadaver-i-dissect-from-afar monthly 0.5 2024-11-05 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/636a77ccb614764c93c4e0aa/f439c6e1-8326-4e88-a184-6051512c4667/Josip.jpeg Essays - My Grandfather is a Cadaver I Dissect from Afar - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://www.womenwritethebalkans.com/essays/pilgrimage-to-ilije-bursaca-51 monthly 0.5 2024-11-05 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/636a77ccb614764c93c4e0aa/f9f6e90a-619a-472d-8569-a21bddbcec41/1.jpg Essays - Pilgrimage to Ilije Bursaća 51 - Make it stand out Elementary School Mira Cikota in Prijedor appears in the background. With some effort, Cikota’s bust can be spotted between the green fence and the tree branches to the right of the photo’s center (photos taken by the author in July 2024). https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/636a77ccb614764c93c4e0aa/fbd67446-c8df-4da1-aac0-890afb43e174/2.jpg Essays - Pilgrimage to Ilije Bursaća 51 - Make it stand out Apartment complex at Ilije Bursaća 51 is the concrete building on the right, with sheds and garages on the left. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/636a77ccb614764c93c4e0aa/03aaa296-236a-4066-8b51-bdefcfc12e0c/3.jpg Essays - Pilgrimage to Ilije Bursaća 51 - Make it stand out The front side of the Ilije Bursaća 51 apartment complex with our kitchen window as the last in the bottom row. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/636a77ccb614764c93c4e0aa/80f6293c-81cb-4e33-8797-ba7eb17ce912/4.jpg Essays - Pilgrimage to Ilije Bursaća 51 - Make it stand out “I ‘heart’ Prijedor” at the northwest entrance of the city of Prijedor bordering Pećanski Park. https://www.womenwritethebalkans.com/essays/light-needs monthly 0.5 2024-11-07 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/636a77ccb614764c93c4e0aa/1721028394646-3HIVGOSZ258DZFICG3GM/Tumbling+geraniums.jpg Essays - LIght Needs - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/636a77ccb614764c93c4e0aa/2dd4e27d-5cea-4206-aad7-717f9ade31b1/shutterstock_2304542337_bearbeitet-2.png Essays - LIght Needs - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/636a77ccb614764c93c4e0aa/2dd4e27d-5cea-4206-aad7-717f9ade31b1/shutterstock_2304542337_bearbeitet-2.png Essays - LIght Needs - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. 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way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/636a77ccb614764c93c4e0aa/6caea6d3-cecb-4a61-becb-65305333128c/Dahlias+on+the+patio.jpg Essays - LIght Needs - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/636a77ccb614764c93c4e0aa/2dd4e27d-5cea-4206-aad7-717f9ade31b1/shutterstock_2304542337_bearbeitet-2.png Essays - LIght Needs - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/636a77ccb614764c93c4e0aa/105c1398-6815-4fbd-8dc8-132368509338/Greenhouse+geraniums.jpg Essays - LIght Needs - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://www.womenwritethebalkans.com/essays/ivanka monthly 0.5 2024-07-03 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story online can make all the difference. https://www.womenwritethebalkans.com/essays/hercegovina-kalifornija monthly 0.5 2024-07-01 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/636a77ccb614764c93c4e0aa/8c95bed8-c52f-4890-8b22-c0cba7d4ddda/0+glavaticevo.jpg Essays - Hercegovina Kalifornija: Landscape and legacies in the Neretva Valley - Make it stand out Neretva near Glavatičevo, 2023 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/636a77ccb614764c93c4e0aa/91f8cdfe-6ea5-4e7c-95b7-ca0948b440ee/output-onlinepngtools.png Essays - Hercegovina Kalifornija: Landscape and legacies in the Neretva Valley - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/636a77ccb614764c93c4e0aa/9c791d01-de47-4831-a089-72933a18bda3/1+brana.jpg Essays - Hercegovina Kalifornija: Landscape and legacies in the Neretva Valley - Make it stand out The Jablanica Dam in 2024 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/636a77ccb614764c93c4e0aa/7d88206b-b62c-43c7-af7b-8260d61e4538/2+sloboda+2.jpg Essays - Hercegovina Kalifornija: Landscape and legacies in the Neretva Valley - Make it stand out Časopis Sloboda, from the collection of the Museum of Herzegovina Mostar (used with permission). https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/636a77ccb614764c93c4e0aa/0bd82f9c-cb69-4723-bc28-018a344e2ce6/2+sloboda.jpg Essays - Hercegovina Kalifornija: Landscape and legacies in the Neretva Valley - Make it stand out Fragments of Sloboda headlines, from the collection of the Museum of Herzegovina Mostar (used with permission). https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/636a77ccb614764c93c4e0aa/91f8cdfe-6ea5-4e7c-95b7-ca0948b440ee/output-onlinepngtools.png Essays - Hercegovina Kalifornija: Landscape and legacies in the Neretva Valley - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. 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https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/636a77ccb614764c93c4e0aa/063f0829-f03f-4f6f-99ae-5013c9c3e62e/4+staklo.jpg Essays - Hercegovina Kalifornija: Landscape and legacies in the Neretva Valley - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/636a77ccb614764c93c4e0aa/5721ec14-3e98-4751-8f72-4bd2faddf882/5+glavaticevo+.jpg Essays - Hercegovina Kalifornija: Landscape and legacies in the Neretva Valley - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://www.womenwritethebalkans.com/essays/mirage-academic-autofiction monthly 0.5 2024-05-27 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/636a77ccb614764c93c4e0aa/1716475016034-F96V1OFU5QG21AZGMRC6/3MdEk9wvO8qv9wngBHPn--1--ad15t.jpg Essays - Mirage (academic autofiction) - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/636a77ccb614764c93c4e0aa/91f8cdfe-6ea5-4e7c-95b7-ca0948b440ee/output-onlinepngtools.png Essays - Mirage (academic autofiction) - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/636a77ccb614764c93c4e0aa/91f8cdfe-6ea5-4e7c-95b7-ca0948b440ee/output-onlinepngtools.png Essays - Mirage (academic autofiction) - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/636a77ccb614764c93c4e0aa/91f8cdfe-6ea5-4e7c-95b7-ca0948b440ee/output-onlinepngtools.png Essays - Mirage (academic autofiction) - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/636a77ccb614764c93c4e0aa/91f8cdfe-6ea5-4e7c-95b7-ca0948b440ee/output-onlinepngtools.png Essays - Mirage (academic autofiction) - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/636a77ccb614764c93c4e0aa/91f8cdfe-6ea5-4e7c-95b7-ca0948b440ee/output-onlinepngtools.png Essays - Mirage (academic autofiction) - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/636a77ccb614764c93c4e0aa/91f8cdfe-6ea5-4e7c-95b7-ca0948b440ee/output-onlinepngtools.png Essays - Mirage (academic autofiction) - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/636a77ccb614764c93c4e0aa/91f8cdfe-6ea5-4e7c-95b7-ca0948b440ee/output-onlinepngtools.png Essays - Mirage (academic autofiction) - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://www.womenwritethebalkans.com/essays/my-first-almost-extinction-event monthly 0.5 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Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/636a77ccb614764c93c4e0aa/91f8cdfe-6ea5-4e7c-95b7-ca0948b440ee/output-onlinepngtools.png Essays - My First (Almost) Extinction Event - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/636a77ccb614764c93c4e0aa/0c42f010-878a-4c8e-b7db-34f3a530753a/Image+4.jpg Essays - My First (Almost) Extinction Event - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/636a77ccb614764c93c4e0aa/e06af5b2-8859-4142-860e-876d1c7506c6/Image+5.jpg Essays - My First (Almost) Extinction Event - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. 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